A Promise to Keep

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Staring through a misty glass window – been raining for days…swirling down in spiral waves
I felt chills trembling down my spine – touching every limb, every fiber of my being
I start to feel numb – tears made my eyes cloudy
It felt so dark, made things so grey and gloomy – felt so alone.

I look so desolated – so wretched in the steady downpour of the rain
So timid from the overcasted skies
So tiny that I want to bloat myself – I want to be seen in the rain as it fell in sheets
I want to shout so loud – that my cries may be heard and hoping the feeling may vanish along the way.

I started to view things in different perspective..view life into the present
Here I am, I feel like living in a slow pace – feels easier that way, I thought.
Though there’s so much to see – so much to do with all chances and options for me
For a somebody that I might become – somewhere that I might be.

Continued to trail on my thoughts, I stopped to smile
Something has reminded me to feel this way – light and peaceful
All the doubts – fear seem to have left me
In my heart, soon I will find what might be and could be a tomorrow.

Remembering the promises made- words of promise I’ll always be keeping
Things being said that has kept me going until now
I don’t know when , where and how it will come – a come what may
Yet, it has made me believe to live each day – something to look forward to without reserves.

But now why am I tempted to quit? – why am I losing the courage?
My hold is starting to loosen it’s grip – faith becoming blurry
The anchor is beginning to rust and glum
And the rock has started to sink from where it’s standing – crippling each other into shreds of weakness.

Just then, with captive innocence I weighed everything in quiet solace – in my own haven
Such peculiar experience – such false expression made me quiver
Strange features can be seen but I felt nothing – so numb
I only have a chance to restore what’s left of me – what was intilled in me over time.

I don’t want to live in this hollow grounds – pointless and shallow
My whole system beamed and my grief lifted up and shattered in pieces of glass
It’s not the end of the world – I must go on and keep trying
A realisation burst in air – laid down is a blueprint of a new year to start.

There’s no use in crying over spilt milk, they say
What can ease such rejection – is to bind my dreams somehow
Broken words are words that should be scrapped and forgotten
Deep inside I know I can still go on – for I am strong
In one’s life there is hope – clasped within and reigns inside like a lion

To admit at every failure and weakness is a strength to make the best of what I can do – for I am unique!
With each blessing that I am holding – it will mold me to perfection even in my imperfections
A matter of patience – faith becomes the centre…a mantleppiece
Perhaps in another time, wonderful promises will truly come
By then I will capture it – as it blossoms to life’s beautiful surprises
I still live life with a dream – I believe there’s always that silent promise my heart shall keep!

Anja-Mariela Gutierrez
Written 19 Sep 1995
Edited 23Jan 2014

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